Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 3/18/2020

 
Over the generations, our Sages have suggested many ways to help commemorate the memory of our loved ones. One central practice is the recitation of Kaddish. However, when one is unable to recite Kaddish, other potent options are also available.

It is traditional to learn Mishna in honor of the soul. This can be seen in the word Mishna משנה which contains the same letters as נשמה, the soul. Prayer is also powerful; and, of course giving tzedakah as well. Therefore, each day we will be offering this ceremony, which incorporates all three, to stand in place of kaddish--until our daily minyan resumes. Of course, you should still daven three times a day, and are encouraged to join our daily Mincha-Maariv call-in, which will incorporate a Kel Maleh/Memorial prayer for the Yahrtzeits of the day as well as a Dvar Torah.

Open the service with a prayer (listed below) and Tehillim. Each day we will provide a different Mishna with brief commentary and guiding questions. Read the Mishna, in either English or Hebrew… or both, and review the commentary. If it so interests you, answer the guiding questions as well. Then, set aside any amount of money for tzedakah in honor of your loved one. 
May these important mitzvot provide an עילוי נשמה, an elevation of the soul, for your loved one and help all of Am Yisrael and the world in these difficult times. 

Order of the Service

Preliminary Prayer
May my prayer, Torah learning, and tzedakah stand in the merit of _______________ b. ________________ (add the Hebrew name and the Hebrew name of their father).  

1. Tehillim (Psalm 51)
לַמְנַצֵּחַ, מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד. בְּבוֹא-אֵלָיו, נָתָן הַנָּבִיא כַּאֲשֶׁר-בָּא, אֶל-בַּת-שָׁבַע. חָנֵּנִי אֱלֹוהִים כְּחַסְדֶּךָ; כְּרֹב רַחֲמֶיךָ, מְחֵה פְשָׁעָי. הֶרֶב כַּבְּסֵנִי מֵעֲוֺנִי; וּמֵחַטָּאתִי טַהֲרֵנִי. כִּי-פְשָׁעַי, אֲנִי אֵדָע; וְחַטָּאתִי נֶגְדִּי תָמִיד. לְךָ לְבַדְּךָ, חָטָאתִי, וְהָרַע בְּעֵינֶיךָ, עָשִׂיתִי: לְמַעַן, תִּצְדַּק בְּדָבְרֶךָ תִּזְכֶּה בְשָׁפְטֶךָ. הֵן-בְּעָווֹן חוֹלָלְתִּי וּבְחֵטְא, יֶחֱמַתְנִי אִמִּי. הֵן-אֱמֶת, חָפַצְתָּ בַטֻּחוֹת; וּבְסָתֻם, חָכְמָה תוֹדִיעֵנִי. תְּחַטְּאֵנִי בְאֵזוֹב וְאֶטְהָר; תְּכַבְּסֵנִי, וּמִשֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין. תַּשְׁמִיעֵנִי, שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה; תָּגֵלְנָה, עֲצָמוֹת דִּכִּיתָ. הַסְתֵּר פָּנֶיךָ, מֵחֲטָאָי;    וְכָל-עֲוֺנֹתַי מְחֵה. לֵב טָהוֹר, בְּרָא-לִי אֱלֹוהִים; וְרוּחַ נָכוֹן, חַדֵּשׁ בְּקִרְבִּי. אַל-תַּשְׁלִיכֵנִי מִלְּפָנֶיךָ; וְרוּחַ קָדְשְׁךָ, אַל-תִּקַּח מִמֶּנִּי. הָשִׁיבָה לִּי, שְׂשׂוֹן יִשְׁעֶךָ; וְרוּחַ נְדִיבָה תִסְמְכֵנִי. אֲלַמְּדָה פֹשְׁעִים דְּרָכֶיךָ; וְחַטָּאִים, אֵלֶיךָ יָשׁוּבוּ. הַצִּילֵנִי מִדָּמִים, אֱלֹוהִים אֱלֹוהֵי תְשׁוּעָתִי: תְּרַנֵּן לְשׁוֹנִי, צִדְקָתֶךָ. אֲדֹנָי, שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח; וּפִי, יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶךָ. כִּי, לֹא-תַחְפֹּץ זֶבַח וְאֶתֵּנָה; עוֹלָה, לֹא תִרְצֶה. זִבְחֵי אֱלֹוהִים, רוּחַ נִשְׁבָּרָה: לֵב-נִשְׁבָּר וְנִדְכֶּה אֱלֹוהִים, לֹא תִבְזֶה. הֵיטִיבָה בִרְצוֹנְךָ, אֶת-צִיּוֹן;
תִּבְנֶה, חוֹמוֹת יְרוּשָׁלִָם. אָז תַּחְפֹּץ זִבְחֵי-צֶדֶק, עוֹלָה וְכָלִיל; אָז יַעֲלוּ עַל-מִזְבַּחֲךָ פָרִים.

For the conductor, a song of David. When Nathan the prophet came to him when he went to Bath-sheba. Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your kindness; according to Your great mercies, erase my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly of my iniquity, and purify me of my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You alone have I sinned, and I have done what is evil in Your sight, in order that You be justified in Your conduct, and right in Your judgment. Behold, with iniquity I was formed, and with sin my mother conceived me. Behold, You desired that truth be in the hidden places, and in the concealed part You teach me wisdom. Purify me with a hyssop, and I will become pure; wash me, and I will become whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that You crushed exult. Hide Your countenance from my sins, and erase all my iniquities. Create for me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from before You, and do not take Your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and let a noble spirit support me. I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will return to You. Save me from blood, O God, the God of my salvation; let my tongue sing praises of Your charity. O Lord, You shall open my lips, and my mouth will recite Your praise. For You do not wish a sacrifice, or I should give it; You do not desire a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; O God, You will not despise a broken and crushed heart. With Your will, do good to Zion; build the walls of Jerusalem. Then You will desire sacrifices of righteousness, a burnt offering and a whole offering; then they will offer up bulls on Your altar.

2. Mishna Learning (Chapters of the Fathers 1, 4)
יוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹעֶזֶר אִישׁ צְרֵדָה וְיוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹחָנָן אִישׁ יְרוּשָׁלַיִם קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹעֶזֶר אִישׁ צְרֵדָה אוֹמֵר, יְהִי בֵיתְךָ בֵית וַעַד לַחֲכָמִים, וֶהֱוֵי מִתְאַבֵּק בַּעֲפַר רַגְלֵיהֶם, וֶהֱוֵי שׁוֹתֶה בְצָמָא אֶת דִּבְרֵיהֶם:

Yose ben Yoezer (a man) of Zeredah and Yose ben Yohanan [a man] of Jerusalem received [the oral tradition] from them [i.e. Shimon the Righteous and Antigonus]. Yose ben Yoezer used to say: let thy house be a house of meeting for the Sages and sit in the very dust of their feet, and drink in their words with thirst.

Q: Why did Yosi ben Yoezer stress the need to host Torah scholars?

A: He was located in a peripheral city without many Torah centers and scholars. Therefore, he shared that one should do all one can to bring in Torah scholars into one’s home in order to infuse it with holiness and inspiration. The idea of bringing in Torah does not only apply to people. One should fill one’s home with Torah books, also (R’ Berel Wein). I once heard a rabbi call this building your “shelf-esteem”: making sure your shelves are filled with books. Aside from the easy accessibility of Torah knowledge, this adds a certain feeling of dignity and centeredness to one’s home. 

Q: Why does Yosi ben Yoezer use the language of בית ועד “a gathering place”?

A: One should make sure to spend time with Torah scholars. However, it is not enough to connect only from time to time. One ideally should find oneself in “gatherings” for extended periods of time with rabbis. The more one spends around one’s rabbi, the more one learns how they approach things, what their opinions are, and how they conduct themselves in their daily lives. 

I once heard a rabbi share how he knew his rebbe so well that he could tell just from his head nod, when asked a question, what his whole opinion was on the topic. I know for myself that the more time I spent around my rabbi in Jerusalem, the easier it was for me to anticipate what he would answer in different cases. This has proved very helpful for me over the years, as I now carry his voice with me wherever I go (whether I like it or not!).

Q: Why the language וֶהֱוֵי מִתְאַבֵּק בַּעֲפַר רַגְלֵיהֶם, which translates to “sit in the very dust of their feet.” It could have said והוי יושב בעפר רגליהם and relayed the same message.

A: I once read a really nice interpretation to this in Ruach Chaim on Pirkei Avot.  The root א-ב-ק means struggle. (When read as a noun it means dust.) Yosi ben Yoezer is telling us that with all of our welcoming and hosting rabbis, our “drinking in with thirst” their words of Torah, we do not have to blindly accept what they tell us. We should מתאבק, struggle and grapple, and if things don’t make sense, ask and push back when necessary. This is the only way to learn Torah, as the Sages teach us later on in the Chapters of the Fathers: “shyness does not breed learning.” 

There may even be another layer here. The Mishna discusses the “dust of the rabbis’ feet.” This  shows us that no matter how holy a rabbi is, they are still human. Maybe they only have a small flaw, represented by the feet here, the lowest part of the body. And perhaps it isn’t even that bad, it is only the “dust” of the feet. Nevertheless, we have to recognize that everyone is prone to mistakes and human reactions. Once we recognize this and are open to sifting through what may not fit for our spiritual growth (=מתאבק), we can then “drink in their holy words in thirst.”

3. Tzedakah
Set aside tzedakah in memory and in the merit of your loved one.
 
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