Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 3/24/2020

Over the generations, our Sages have suggested many ways to help commemorate the memory of our loved ones. One central practice is the recitation of Kaddish. However, when one is unable to recite Kaddish, other potent options are also available.

It is traditional to learn Mishna in honor of the soul. This can be seen in the word Mishna משנה which contains the same letters as נשמה, the soul. Prayer is also powerful; and, of course giving tzedakah as well. Therefore, each day we will be offering this ceremony, which incorporates all three, to stand in place of kaddish--until our daily minyan resumes. Of course, you should still daven three times a day, and are encouraged to join our daily Mincha-Maariv call-in, which will incorporate a Kel Maleh/Memorial prayer for the Yahrtzeits of the day as well as a Dvar Torah.

Open the service with a prayer (listed below) and Tehillim. Each day we will provide a different Mishna with brief commentary and guiding questions. Read the Mishna, in either  English or Hebrew… or both, and review the commentary. If it so interests you, answer the guiding questions as well. Then, set aside any amount of money for tzedakah in honor of your loved one. 

May these important mitzvot provide an עילוי נשמה, an elevation of the soul, for your loved one and help all of Am Yisrael and the world in these difficult times. 

May my prayer, Torah learning, and tzedakah stand in the merit of _______________ b. ________________ (add the Hebrew name and the Hebrew name of their father). 
 

1. Tehillim (Psalm 41)

לַמְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד׃ אַ֭שְׁרֵי מַשְׂכִּ֣יל אֶל־דָּ֑ל בְּי֥וֹם רָ֝עָ֗ה יְֽמַלְּטֵ֥הוּ ה'׃ ה' יִשְׁמְרֵ֣הוּ וִֽ֭יחַיֵּהוּ יאשר (וְאֻשַּׁ֣ר) בָּאָ֑רֶץ וְאַֽל־תִּ֝תְּנֵ֗הוּ בְּנֶ֣פֶשׁ אֹֽיְבָֽיו׃ ה' יִ֭סְעָדֶנּוּ עַל־עֶ֣רֶשׂ דְּוָ֑י כָּל־מִ֝שְׁכָּב֗וֹ הָפַ֥כְתָּ בְחָלְיֽוֹ׃ אֲֽנִי־אָ֭מַרְתִּי ה' חָנֵּ֑נִי רְפָאָ֥ה נַ֝פְשִׁ֗י כִּֽי־חָטָ֥אתִי לָֽךְ׃ אֽוֹיְבַ֗י יֹֽאמְר֣וּ רַ֣ע לִ֑י    מָתַ֥י יָ֝מ֗וּת וְאָבַ֥ד שְׁמֽוֹ׃ וְאִם־בָּ֤א לִרְא֨וֹת שָׁ֤וְא יְדַבֵּ֗ר לִבּ֗וֹ יִקְבָּץ־אָ֥וֶן ל֑וֹ יֵצֵ֖א לַח֣וּץ יְדַבֵּֽר׃ יַ֗חַד עָלַ֣י יִ֭תְלַֽחֲשׁוּ כָּל־שֹֽׂנְאָ֑י עָלַ֓י יַחְשְׁב֖וּ רָעָ֣ה לִֽי׃ דְּֽבַר־בְּ֭לִיַּעַל יָצ֣וּק בּ֑וֹ וַֽאֲשֶׁ֥ר שָׁ֝כַ֗ב לֹֽא־יוֹסִ֥יף לָקֽוּם׃ גַּם־אִ֤ישׁ שְׁלוֹמִ֨י אֲשֶׁר־בָּטַ֣חְתִּי ב֭וֹ אוֹכֵ֣ל לַחְמִ֑י הִגְדִּ֖יל עָלַ֣י עָקֵֽב׃ וְאַתָּ֤ה ה' חָנֵּ֥נִי וַֽהֲקִימֵ֑נִי וַֽאֲשַׁלְּמָ֥ה לָהֶֽם׃ בְּזֹ֣את יָ֭דַעְתִּי כִּֽי־חָפַ֣צְתָּ בִּ֑י כִּ֤י לֹֽא־יָרִ֖יעַ אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי׃ וַֽאֲנִ֗י בְּ֭תֻמִּי תָּמַ֣כְתָּ בִּ֑י וַתַּצִּיבֵ֖נִי לְפָנֶ֣יךָ לְעוֹלָֽם׃ בָּ֘ר֤וּךְ ה' אֱלֹ֘הֵ֤י יִשְׂרָאֵ֗ל מֵֽ֭הָעוֹלָם וְעַ֥ד הָֽעוֹלָ֗ם אָ֘מֵ֥ן וְאָמֵֽן׃

For the conductor, a song of David. Praiseworthy is he who looks after the poor; on a day of calamity the Lord will rescue him. The Lord will preserve him and keep him alive, and he will be praised in the land, and You will not deliver him into the desire of his enemies. The Lord will support him on his sickbed; when You have transformed his entire restfulness in his illness. I said, "O Lord, be gracious to me; heal my soul because I have sinned against You." My enemies speak evil of me; "When will he die and his name be lost?" And if he comes to see [me], he speaks falsely; his heart gathers iniquity for him; when he goes outside, he talks. All my enemies whisper together about me; concerning me, they think evil. "An evil thing shall be poured into him, and once he lies down, he will no longer rise." Even my ally, in whom I trusted, who eats my bread, developed an ambush for me. But You, O Lord, be gracious to me and raise me up, so that I may repay them. With this I shall know that You desired me, when my enemy does not shout joyfully over me. As for me, because of my innocence You shall support me, and stand me up before You forever. Blessed is the Lord, the God of Israel from all times past and to all times to come. Amen and amen.

2. Mishna Learning (Chapters of the Fathers 1, 8)

יְהוּדָה בֶן טַבַּאי וְשִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן שָׁטָח קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוּדָה בֶן טַבַּאי אוֹמֵר, אַל תַּעַשׂ עַצְמְךָ כְעוֹרְכֵי הַדַּיָּנִין. וּכְשֶׁיִּהְיוּ בַעֲלֵי דִינִין עוֹמְדִים לְפָנֶיךָ, יִהְיוּ בְעֵינֶיךָ כִרְשָׁעִים. וּכְשֶׁנִּפְטָרִים מִלְּפָנֶיךָ, יִהְיוּ בְעֵינֶיךָ כְזַכָּאִין, כְּשֶׁקִּבְּלוּ עֲלֵיהֶם אֶת הַדִּין:

Judah ben Tabbai and Shimon ben Shetach received [the oral tradition] from them. Judah ben Tabbai said: do not [as a judge] play the part of an advocate; and when the litigants are standing before you, look upon them as if they were [both] guilty; and when they leave your presence, look upon them as if they were [both] innocent, when they have accepted the judgement.

Q: This Mishna is directed to court judges. Which lessons can we take from it?

A: The Mishna teaches us (as judges) not to feed arguments or advice to the litigating parties: “do not [as a judge] play the part of an advocate.” This happens all of the time. We, as judges of “cases” in our lives, want to view them in a certain way, to color them so that they will work well with our own internal narrative. We are told here to abstain from doing so, but rather to listen objectively to the litigants--to assess facts and life cases for what they really are. This will allow the truth to surface and from this a greater good can emerge.

Rabbi Soloveitchik has a strong piece in Kol Dodi Dofek where he touches on this point in relation to bad things that befall us: “Judaism, with its realistic attitude towards man and his position in the universe, understood that evil cannot be blurred or covered up, and that any attempt to diminish the value of the contrasts and divisions in the world will not bring man to spiritual rest or to an understanding of the existential mystery. Evil is a fact that cannot be denied.” But he doesn’t stop there. He goes on to say that upon defining and accepting the evil that surrounds us, we can then grow from it and turn our fate into “destiny”--a proactive and positive direction of growth. 

This is so important for us today. A lot is going on around us. It’s important to not delude ourselves into thinking things are great. We are living in a pandemic. However, once we accept this, we must then ask ourselves which proactive measures are we taking to ensure our welfare, sanity, and spiritual growth. As Jews, we are both realists and optimists. We accept things for what they are, but also focus on what we can do to make the best of our situation. This is what we must do today. 

3. Tzedakah

Set aside tzedakah in memory and in the merit of your loved one.