Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 3/28/2020

Over the generations, our Sages have suggested many ways to help commemorate the memory of our loved ones. One central practice is the recitation of Kaddish. However, when one is unable to recite Kaddish, other potent options are also available.

It is traditional to learn Mishna in honor of the soul. This can be seen in the word Mishna משנה which contains the same letters as נשמה, the soul. Prayer is also powerful; and, of course giving tzedakah as well. Therefore, each day we will be offering this ceremony, which incorporates all three, to stand in place of kaddish--until our daily minyan resumes.  Of course, you should still daven three times a day, and are encouraged to join our daily Mincha-Maariv call-in, which will incorporate a Kel Maleh/Memorial prayer for the Yahrtzeits of the day as well as a Dvar Torah.

Open the service with a prayer (listed below) and Tehillim. Each day we will provide a different Mishna with brief commentary and guiding questions. Read the Mishna, in either  English or Hebrew… or both, and review the commentary. If it so interests you, answer the guiding questions as well. Then, set aside any amount of money for tzedakah in honor of your loved one. 

May these important mitzvot provide an עילוי נשמה, an elevation of the soul, for your loved one and help all of Am Yisrael and the world in these difficult times. 

May my prayer, Torah learning, and tzedakah stand in the merit of _______________ b. ________________ (add the Hebrew name and the Hebrew name of their father).  

לַמְנַצֵּחַ מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד: יַעַנְךָ ה' בְּיוֹם צָרָה יְשַׂגֶּבְךָ שֵׁם אֱלֹוהֵי יַעֲקֹב: יִשְׁלַח עֶזְרְךָ מִקֹּדֶשׁ וּמִצִּיּוֹן יִסְעָדֶךָּ: יִזְכֹּר כָּל מִנְחֹתֶךָ וְעוֹלָתְךָ יְדַשְּׁנֶה סֶלָה: יִתֶּן לְךָ כִלְבָבֶךָ וְכָל עֲצָתְךָ יְמַלֵּא: נְרַנְּנָה בִּישׁוּעָתֶךָ וּבְשֵׁם אֱלֹוהֵינוּ נִדְגֹּל יְמַלֵּא ה' כָּל מִשְׁאֲלוֹתֶיךָ: עַתָּה יָדַעְתִּי כִּי הוֹשִׁיעַ ה' מְשִׁיחוֹ יַעֲנֵהוּ מִשְּׁמֵי קָדְשׁוֹ בִּגְבֻרוֹת יֵשַׁע יְמִינוֹ: אֵלֶּה בָרֶכֶב וְאֵלֶּה בַסּוּסִים וַאֲנַחְנוּ בְּשֵׁם ה' אֱלֹוהֵינוּ נַזְכִּיר: הֵמָּה כָּרְעוּ וְנָפָלוּ וַאֲנַחְנוּ קַּמְנוּ וַנִּתְעוֹדָד: ה' הוֹשִׁיעָה הַמֶּלֶךְ יַעֲנֵנוּ בְיוֹם קָרְאֵנוּ:

For the leader. A psalm of David. May the Lord answer you in time of trouble, the name of Jacob’s God keep you safe. May He send you help from the sanctuary, and sustain you from Zion. May He receive the tokens of all your meal offerings, and approve your burnt offerings. Selah. May He grant you your desire, and fulfill your every plan. May we shout for joy in your victory, arrayed by standards in the name of our God. May the Lord fulfill your every wish. Now I know that the Lord will give victory to His anointed, will answer him from His heavenly sanctuary with the mighty victories of His right arm. They [call] on chariots, they [call] on horses, but we call on the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and lie fallen, but we rally and gather strength. O Lord, grant victory! May the King answer us when we call.

2. Mishna Learning (Chapters of the Fathers 1, 7-9)

On weekends, we will review the mishnas from the week. It’s always good to go over the material and arrive at new understandings and interpretations. Learn one mishna or more! 

נִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי אוֹמֵר, הַרְחֵק מִשָּׁכֵן רָע, וְאַל תִּתְחַבֵּר לָרָשָׁע, וְאַל תִּתְיָאֵשׁ מִן הַפֻּרְעָנוּת.

Nittai the Arbelite used to say: keep a distance from an evil neighbor, do not become attached to the wicked, and do not abandon faith in [divine] retribution.

Q: Why does the Mishna use the transitive הרחק instead of the commonly used התרחק?

A: The simple reading is to remove oneself from an evil neighbor, as listed above. However, the transitive הרחק means to remove something, instead of oneself. Two explanations are offered based on this nuance:

1) One must help remove הרחק others from a bad neighbor משכן רע. If one knows that a friend is about to enter into a harmful or negative relationship, one is obligated to warn them about it, in the hopes of protecting them from this influence. 

Some think that the laws of Lashon Hara (forbidden speech) withhold one from doing so, but this is a mistake. This is a case where it will benefit another. In this case, one is obligated to share. This is relevant for shidduch dating, a new job, and more. 

2) The Ben Ish Hai interprets these three words, הרחק משכן רע, in a creative manner. The imperative is to not remove oneself from an evil neighbor, but rather to remove evil from before one’s (good) neighbor: הרחק remove, משכן from your neighbor, רע evil. 

This is very relevant today. We are sadly becoming pros in “social distancing.” This may feel like we are disconnecting from others, but it really is a kindness we are doing, by removing evil, possible infection, from before them. 

I recently heard a rabbi say that by staying away from each other we are performing three mitzvot: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), “And you should guard your soul very well” (Devarim 4:15), and “Do not cause bloodshed in your home” (Devarim 22:8). Two of these involve kindness toward others, with the final one talking about how we must remove all impediments to others’ well being (the original context is the mitzvah to place a fence around one’s roof in order to avoid accidents, G-d forbid). 

Q: Based on the simple reading of the Mishna, that we must distance ourselves from an evil neighbor, what else falls into the category of “neighbor”?

A: Rabbi Berel Wein explains that news, social media, and other messaging we take in can fall into this category. This is so important today: the news cycle is COVID-19, 24-7. Take a break from this when needed. These discussions have become our “neighbors”; it’s important to not let them bring us down and diminish our faith and inner calm. 

Q: What is the connection between the three suggestions in the Mishna: distance from an evil neighbor, don’t befriend a wicked person, and don’t abandon faith in retribution?

A: Many explain this as encouragement to distance oneself from an evil influence. It may look like all is great for them in this world. Nevertheless, don’t be drawn after them and their ways: divine retribution awaits them due to their bad actions.

Another possible explanation reads the last piece about פרענות a bit differently: as not referring to retribution, but rather to tough times (פרענות can denote a general calamity or tough situation). Many times it takes a heroic effort to remove oneself from a negative influence (a tough work environment, a toxic personal relationship). There is often something that just draws us in and the fear of losing this can make it all the  harder to create distance.

That’s what the Mishna is saying: do what you have to do to separate from a bad neighbor or an “evil” person and don’t fret the emptiness and void, the inner פרענות, that will inevitably be experienced upon doing so. Why not? When one makes this step toward positivity, one frees up space that was previously occupied by the negative influence. This space is then open to be filled, G-d willing, with positive things and influences. When one door closes, another, more positive, one opens. 

יְהוּדָה בֶן טַבַּאי וְשִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן שָׁטָח קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוּדָה בֶן טַבַּאי אוֹמֵר, אַל תַּעַשׂ עַצְמְךָ כְעוֹרְכֵי הַדַּיָּנִין. וּכְשֶׁיִּהְיוּ בַעֲלֵי דִינִין עוֹמְדִים לְפָנֶיךָ, יִהְיוּ בְעֵינֶיךָ כִרְשָׁעִים. וּכְשֶׁנִּפְטָרִים מִלְּפָנֶיךָ, יִהְיוּ בְעֵינֶיךָ כְזַכָּאִין, כְּשֶׁקִּבְּלוּ עֲלֵיהֶם אֶת הַדִּין:

Judah ben Tabbai and Shimon ben Shetach received [the oral tradition] from them. Judah ben Tabbai said: do not [as a judge] play the part of an advocate; and when the litigants are standing before you, look upon them as if they were [both] guilty; and when they leave your presence, look upon them as if they were [both] innocent, when they have accepted the judgement.

Q: This Mishna is directed to court judges. What lessons can we take from it to our lives?

A: The Mishna teaches us (as judges) not to feed arguments or advice to the litigating parties: “do not [as a judge] play the part of an advocate.” This happens all of the time. We, as judges of “cases” in our lives, want to view them in a certain way, to color them so that they will work well with our own internal narrative. We are told here to abstain from doing so, but rather to listen objectively to the litigants--to assess facts and life cases for what they really are. This will allow the truth to surface and from this a greater good can emerge.

Rabbi Soloveitchik has a strong piece in Kol Dodi Dofek where he touches on this point in relation to bad things that befall us: “Judaism, with its realistic attitude towards man and his position in the universe, understood that evil cannot be blurred or covered up, and that any attempt to diminish the value of the contrasts and divisions in the world will not bring man to spiritual rest or to an understanding of the existential mystery. Evil is a fact that cannot be denied.” But he doesn’t stop there. He goes on to say that upon defining and accepting the evil that surrounds us, we can then grow from it and turn our fate into “destiny”--a proactive and positive direction of growth.

This is so important for us today. A lot is going on around us. It’s important to not delude ourselves into thinking things are great. We are living in a pandemic. However, once we accept this, we must then ask ourselves which proactive measures are we taking to ensure our welfare, sanity, and spiritual growth. As Jews, we are both realists and optimists. We accept things for what they are, but also focus on what we can do to make the best of our situation. This is what we must do today. 

שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן שָׁטָח אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי מַרְבֶּה לַחְקֹר אֶת הָעֵדִים, וֶהֱוֵי זָהִיר בִּדְבָרֶיךָ, שֶׁמָּא מִתּוֹכָם יִלְמְדוּ לְשַׁקֵּר:

Shimon ben Shetach used to say: be thorough in the interrogation of witnesses, and be careful with your words, lest from them they learn to lie.

Q: The Mishna refers to judges. What other lessons can we take from it for our lives?

A: Being thorough and not jumping to conclusions is one lesson we can take from this Mishna.
 

Another is based on the Sfat Emet which teaches that we always have two witnesses testifying and pleading their case before us: our good and evil inclinations. 

Despite their distinct titles, neither inclination is completely good or evil. The “evil” inclination can be good if we channel it toward good. For instance, being angry is usually not a good thing. But if someone is upset and angry about an injustice they witnessed in the world and this propels them to take action, this can be positive. The Sages hinted to this when they said we must serve Hashem with both of our inclinations, the good and “evil” ones (Mishna Brachot 9, 5). 

Similarly, the good inclination can at times be detrimental. I had a friend at yeshiva who became very religious in a short amount of time. I remember seeing him learn in the study hall till the very late hours of the night and actually being a bit envious of this at the time. It turns out he was missing Shacharit every day in order to do so. This may have been a case of too much “good inclination,” because it was making him miss daily minyan. There are many examples of this. Giving to others is a good thing; but overwhelming them with giving, can at times be bad and not well received.
 

The hashkiveinu blessing we recite prior to the Maariv Amida hints to this. In this blessing we ask Hashem to remove “Satan” from before and after us. The prayer for protection “before us” makes sense: we want to be protected from all impediments that stand before our spiritual growth. It’s the Satan “behind us” that needs explaining. One of my rabbis once explained it this way: sometimes “Satan” pushes us--from behind--to be overly righteous. We, therefore, pray against this because we know that too much “good inclination” can prove detrimental.
 

It’s all about measure. And this is the message of the Mishna. Be careful to scrutinize the “witnesses”--both the evil and good inclinations. See what is good and evil in each of them and choose the correct path. If not, our  inclinations will be running us and “learning to lie” and decieve us into thinking they are always correct.
 

3. Tzedakah

We abstain from giving tzedakah on Shabbat.