Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 3/23/2020

Over the generations, our Sages have suggested many ways to help commemorate the memory of our loved ones. One central practice is the recitation of Kaddish. However, when one is unable to recite Kaddish, other potent options are also available.

It is traditional to learn Mishna in honor of the soul. This can be seen in the word Mishna משנה which contains the same letters as נשמה, the soul. Prayer is also powerful; and, of course giving tzedakah as well. Therefore, each day we will be offering this ceremony, which incorporates all three, to stand in place of kaddish--until our daily minyan resumes.  Of course, you should still daven three times a day, and are encouraged to join our daily Mincha-Maariv call-in, which will incorporate a Kel Maleh/Memorial prayer for the Yahrtzeits of the day as well as a Dvar Torah.

Open the service with a prayer (listed below) and Tehillim. Each day we will provide a different Mishna with brief commentary and guiding questions. Read the Mishna, in either  English or Hebrew… or both, and review the commentary. If it so interests you, answer the guiding questions as well. Then, set aside any amount of money for tzedakah in honor of your loved one.
 

May these important mitzvot provide an עילוי נשמה, an elevation of the soul, for your loved one and help all of Am Yisrael and the world in these difficult times. 

May my prayer, Torah learning, and tzedakah stand in the merit of _______________ b. ________________ (add the Hebrew name and the Hebrew name of their father). 
 

1. Tehillim (Psalm 20)

לַמְנַצֵּחַ מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד: יַעַנְךָ ה' בְּיוֹם צָרָה יְשַׂגֶּבְךָ שֵׁם אֱלֹוהֵי יַעֲקֹב: יִשְׁלַח עֶזְרְךָ מִקֹּדֶשׁ וּמִצִּיּוֹן יִסְעָדֶךָּ: יִזְכֹּר כָּל מִנְחֹתֶךָ וְעוֹלָתְךָ יְדַשְּׁנֶה סֶלָה: יִתֶּן לְךָ כִלְבָבֶךָ וְכָל עֲצָתְךָ יְמַלֵּא: נְרַנְּנָה בִּישׁוּעָתֶךָ וּבְשֵׁם אֱלֹוהֵינוּ נִדְגֹּל יְמַלֵּא ה' כָּל מִשְׁאֲלוֹתֶיךָ: עַתָּה יָדַעְתִּי כִּי הוֹשִׁיעַ ה' מְשִׁיחוֹ יַעֲנֵהוּ מִשְּׁמֵי קָדְשׁוֹ בִּגְבֻרוֹת יֵשַׁע יְמִינוֹ: אֵלֶּה בָרֶכֶב וְאֵלֶּה בַסּוּסִים וַאֲנַחְנוּ בְּשֵׁם ה' אֱלֹוהֵינוּ נַזְכִּיר: הֵמָּה כָּרְעוּ וְנָפָלוּ וַאֲנַחְנוּ קַּמְנוּ וַנִּתְעוֹדָד: ה' הוֹשִׁיעָה הַמֶּלֶךְ יַעֲנֵנוּ בְיוֹם קָרְאֵנוּ:

For the leader. A psalm of David. May the Lord answer you in time of trouble, the name of Jacob’s God keep you safe. May He send you help from the sanctuary, and sustain you from Zion. May He receive the tokens of all your meal offerings, and approve your burnt offerings. Selah. May He grant you your desire, and fulfill your every plan. May we shout for joy in your victory, arrayed by standards in the name of our God. May the Lord fulfill your every wish. Now I know that the Lord will give victory to His anointed, will answer him from His heavenly sanctuary with the mighty victories of His right arm. They [call] on chariots, they [call] on horses, but we call on the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and lie fallen, but we rally and gather strength. O Lord, grant victory! May the King answer us when we call.

2. Mishna Learning (Chapters of the Fathers 1, 7)

נִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי אוֹמֵר, הַרְחֵק מִשָּׁכֵן רָע, וְאַל תִּתְחַבֵּר לָרָשָׁע, וְאַל תִּתְיָאֵשׁ מִן הַפֻּרְעָנוּת.

Nittai the Arbelite used to say: keep a distance from an evil neighbor, do not become attached to the wicked, and do not abandon faith in [divine] retribution.

Q: Why does the Mishna use the transitive הרחק instead of the commonly used התרחק?
 

A: The simple reading is to remove oneself from an evil neighbor, as listed above. However, the transitive הרחק means to remove something, instead of oneself. Two explanations are offered based on this nuance. 

1) One must help remove הרחק others from a bad neighbor משכן רע. If one knows that a friend is about to enter into a harmful or negative relationship, one is obligated to warn them about it, in the hopes of protecting them from this influence.
 

Some think that the laws of Lashon Hara (forbidden speech) withhold one from doing so, but this is a mistake. This is a case where it will benefit another. In this case, one is obligated to share. This is relevant for shidduch dating, a new job, and more.
 

2) The Ben Ish Hai interprets these three words, הרחק משכן רע, in a creative manner. The imperative is to not remove oneself from an evil neighbor, but rather to remove evil from before one’s (good) neighbor: הרחק remove, משכן from your neighbor, רע evil. 

This is very relevant today. We are sadly becoming pros in “social distancing.” This may feel like we are disconnecting from others, but it really is a kindness we are doing, by removing evil, possible infection, from before them. 

I recently heard a rabbi say that by staying away from each other we are performing three mitzvot: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), “And you should guard your soul very well” (Devarim 4:15), and “Do not cause bloodshed in your home” (Devarim 22:8). Two of these involve kindness toward others, with the final one talking about how we must remove all impediments to others’ well being (the original context is the mitzvah to place a fence around one’s roof in order to avoid accidents, G-d forbid). 

Q: Based on the simple reading of the Mishna, that we must distance ourselves from an evil neighbor, what else falls into the category of “neighbor”?
 

A: Rabbi Berel Wein explains that news, social media, and other messaging we take in can fall into this category. This is so important today: the news cycle is COVID-19, 24-7. Take a break from this when needed. These discussions have become our “neighbors”; it’s important to not let them bring us down and diminish our faith and inner calm. 

Q: What is the connection between the three suggestions in the Mishna: distance from an evil neighbor, don’t befriend a wicked person, and don’t abandon faith in retribution?

A: Many explain this as encouragement to distance oneself from an evil influence. It may look like all is great for them in this world. Nevertheless, don’t be drawn after them and their ways: divine retribution awaits them due to their bad actions. 

Another possible explanation reads the last piece about פרענות a bit differently: as not referring to retribution, but rather tough times (פרענות can denote a general calamity or tough situation). 

Many times it takes a heroic effort to remove oneself from a negative influence (a tough work environment, a toxic personal relationship). There is something that draws us in and just the fear of losing this can make it all the  harder to create distance.
 

That’s what the Mishna is saying: do what you have to do to separate from a bad neighbor or an “evil” person and don’t fret the emptiness and void, the inner פרענות, that will inevitably be experienced upon doing so.
 

Why not? When one makes this step toward positivity, one frees up space that was previously occupied by the negative influence. This space is then open to be filled, G-d willing, with positive things and influences. When one door closes, another, more positive, one opens. 

Questions for further review: 

3. Tzedakah

Set aside tzedakah in memory and in the merit of your loved one.