Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 4/03/2020

רַבָּן גַּמְלִיאֵל הָיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וְהִסְתַּלֵּק מִן הַסָּפֵק, וְאַל תַּרְבֶּה לְעַשֵּׂר אֹמָדוֹת:

Rabban Gamaliel used to say: appoint a rabbi for yourself, avoid doubt, and do not make a habit of tithing by guesswork.

Q: What is the connection between all three parts of the mishna?

A: There is sometimes a tendency to live our religious lives based on guesswork. What’s the accurate blessing for this fruit? How late can I actually daven mincha? What is the exact amount of matzah I need to eat at the Seder? How far do I have to go while cleaning my house for Pesach?

It’s okay to not have all of the answers! And sometimes we may be stuck and just need to take our best guess or be stricter than usual to avoid doing the wrong thing. But as a general rule, it’s proper to “appoint yourself a rabbi” so that you can “avoid these doubts” and not base your service on “the habit of guesswork.” 

It’s interesting because sometimes when we choose our original choice based on guesswork, and we then later forget that the decision wasn’t made on solid halachic footing. Years down the road we find ourselves doing the same thing, when in truth it’s not even based on halacha! This pertains to both lenient and strict directions we chose based on guesswork.
 

I see this a lot. People ask me questions, especially around Pesach time, that show they have been adopting unnecessarily strict practices, perhaps based on guesswork. It’s important to clarify the laws. It will bring you peace of mind and may even make your halachic life a bit easier (believe it or not…). 

Q: Do I have to “appoint” the same rabbi for everything? 

A: I don’t think so. One can have rabbis for different purposes. I have a rabbi who I go to for advanced halachic questions. I have another rabbi with  whom I discuss personal matters. It is important, as many note, to have consistency with these specialist rabbis and not just “shop around” for answers that we want to hear. 

Q: Which other lessons can be learned from the language עשה לך רב, “make for yourself a rabbi”? 

A: This can also be creatively read (this is not the simple reading) as “make yourself a rabbi.” No, this doesn’t mean you have to go to rabbinical school for five years or that you should decide on all matters of hoshen mishpat law (if you don’t know what that is, then you really shouldn’t be deciding on it…). But I once heard that although our main halachic guide, the Shulchan Aruch, only consists of four volumes, a fifth volume can, and should, be accessed: common sense. Finding a rabbi, or rabbis, is critical; but we are also allowed to use common sense and decide things for ourselves if we are properly informed. 

The term rabbi can at times include an online site. This in no way should take the place of a “live” rabbi, especially because this is how us rabbis earn our salary! In all seriousness, with a live rabbi, one can pick up on how they think and approach things. They can add layers of depth and nuance one can’t find online. One also learns about customs and behaviors that cannot be learned in front of a screen. Additionally, rabbis provide much more than data: they are spiritual conduits (see videos of Rebbe of Lubavitch with his chasidim, for instance) and great sources of emotional support. 

Nevertheless, at times if one can find a quick answer to their question online from a reputable site, that’s okay. Sometimes this saves time, makes looking up answers easier, and leads to more frequent searches for halachic answers.