Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 3/30/2020

3/30/2020

Over the generations, our Sages have suggested many ways to help commemorate the memory of our loved ones. One central practice is the recitation of Kaddish. However, when one is unable to recite Kaddish, other potent options are also available.

It is traditional to learn Mishna in honor of the soul. This can be seen in the word Mishna משנה which contains the same letters as נשמה, the soul. Prayer is also powerful; and, of course giving tzedakah as well. Therefore, each day we will be offering this ceremony, which incorporates all three, to stand in place of kaddish--until our daily minyan resumes. Of course, you should still daven three times a day, and are encouraged to join our daily Mincha-Maariv call-in, which will incorporate a Kel Maleh/Memorial prayer for the Yahrtzeits of the day as well as a Dvar Torah.

Open the service with a prayer (listed below) and Tehillim. Each day we will provide a different Mishna with brief commentary and guiding questions. Read the Mishna, in either English or Hebrew… or both, and review the commentary. If it so interests you, answer the guiding questions as well. Then, set aside any amount of money for tzedakah in honor of your loved one.

May these important mitzvot provide an עילוי נשמה, an elevation of the soul, for your loved one and help all of Am Yisrael and the world in these difficult times.

Order of the Service

Preliminary Prayer

May my prayer, Torah learning, and tzedakah stand in the merit of _______________ b. ________________ (add the Hebrew name and the Hebrew name of their father).

Tehillim (Psalm 23)

מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד ה' רֹעִי לֹא אֶחְסָר. בִּנְאוֹת דֶּשֶׁא יַרְבִּיצֵנִי עַל-מֵי מְנֻחוֹת יְנַהֲלֵנִי. נַפְשִׁי יְשׁוֹבֵב יַנְחֵנִי בְמַעְגְּלֵי-צֶדֶק לְמַעַן שְׁמוֹ. גַּם כִּי אֵלֵךְ בְּגֵיא צַלְמָוֶת לֹא-אִירָא רָע כִּי אַתָּה עִמָּדִי. שִׁבְטְךָ וּמִשְׁעַנְתֶּךָ הֵמָּה יְנַחֲמֻנִי. תַּעֲרֹךְ לְפָנַי שֻׁלְחָן נֶגֶד צֹרְרָי. דִּשַּׁנְתָּ בַשֶּׁמֶן רֹאשִׁי כּוֹסִי רְוָיָה. אַךְ טוֹב וָחֶסֶד יִרְדְּפוּנִי כָּל-יְמֵי חַיָּי. וְשַׁבְתִּי בְּבֵית ה' לְאֹרֶךְ יָמִים.

A song of David: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not lack. God causes me to lie down in lush pastures, God leads me beside tranquil waters. God restores my soul, and leads me in righteous paths for God’s name’s sake. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your scepter and staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in full view of my adversaries; You have anointed my head with oil, my cup overflows. May only goodness and kindness pursue me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the House of the Lord for length of days.

2. Mishna Learning (Chapters of the Fathers 1:12)

הִלֵּל וְשַׁמַּאי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. הִלֵּל אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַהֲרֹן, אוֹהֵב שָׁלוֹם וְרוֹדֵף שָׁלוֹם, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת וּמְקָרְבָן לַתּוֹרָה:

Hillel and Shammai received [the oral tradition] from them. Hillel used to say: be of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving humankind and drawing them close to the Torah.

Q: Why must we both love and pursue peace?

A: It’s not enough to talk about or simply be filled with love for peace (although, of course, this is a praiseworthy level in itself). It must translate into action. It’s less about loud declarations and more about actively reaching across the aisle to those who are different than us and strengthening ties.

This is my view on interfaith connections as well. I am all for “dialogue” between religious leaders. But I feel the real work is done when our communities connect to make a difference in the world. We are then truly bonding around a common goal and working together, in peace, to improve the world. The world desperately needs this collective pursuit of peace.

Q: Why use “rodef shalom,” meaning “pursue,” or “chase after” peace, and not simply “act peaceably”?

A: Two stories are relayed in Avot de-Rabbi Nathan (addendum 2 to Version 1, chapter 8, Schechter ed., p. 163) about Aaron extending himself beyond the letter of the law to bring peace. This is what is meant by “pursuing” or “chasing after” peace.

“Aaron would be walking along and, upon encountering a bad or wicked person, would greet that person with peace. Later, when the same person was on his way to worship [idolatry], he said: Woe unto me! How can I look Aaron in the eye without being ashamed before him, for he greeted me with peace!? And so, the person in the end refrained from idolatrous worship.

It is also told of two people who had a quarrel that Aaron went and sat with one of them and said, ‘My son, see what your fellow is doing, for he is in a state of emotional turmoil, rending his garments and, all choked up, saying: How can I look my friend in the eye? I am ashamed before him, for it was I who did wrong.’

He would sit with him until he removed all jealousy from his heart. Afterwards he would go to his fellow and say to him, ‘My son, see what your fellow is doing. For he is in a state of emotional turmoil, rending his garments and, all choked up, saying: How can I look my friend in the eye? I am ashamed before him, for it was I who did wrong to him.’

He would sit there until he removed all jealousy from his heart. When the two met, they embraced and kissed each other. Therefore it is written, ‘all the house of Israel bewailed Aaron thirty days’ (Num. 20:29).”

In the first story, Aaron went out of his way to connect with a wicked person. In the second, he was even willing to tell a white lie to achieve peace. He did all he could to promote good relations. He did not just act peaceably; he pursued peace at all costs.

Q: What’s behind the sequence of the final instructions: “loving humankind and drawing them close to the Torah.”

A: Rav Tzvi Yehuda Kook used to point out that success in outreach lies in our ability to reach out to others from a place of love.

I see this all the time in my work. People are looking for connection and love, sometimes more than Torah instruction. Once there is a bond and trust, it’s much easier to bring people close to Torah. This is why it lists “loving humankind” prior to “drawing them close to Torah.”

This is relevant for us as parents and educators. Stay away from shortcuts and invest time into relationships! When push then comes to shove and Torah guidance is required, you will be the safe address for this guidance.

I have found this especially true when it comes to people who are far away from Torah, steeped in negative behavior. The following Talmudic story (Brachot 10a) relays this message: Rabbi Meir once prayed against hoodlums in his neighborhood. His wife, Beruriah, rebuked him and told him to pray positively on their behalf. The story concludes with him following her direction and the group repenting and returning to HaShem.

You never know when someone will be ready to connect once more to Torah. Keep up the connection, if you can, and just show love. Be there for them. When they are ready to return to Torah, you will then be able to help them through the process.

Another direction to take this mishna is to say that the more that non-observant folk see observant people full of love and happiness, the more they will naturally be drawn closer to Torah. It becomes a magnetic force.

This is partially what affected me to a more observant lifestyle at age 18. The love and togetherness I experienced in Yeshiva and at Shabbos tables was something I wanted in my life and it propelled me forward in my religious transformation. This is another way to read the mishna: love humankind and, naturally as a result of this, they will draw closer to Torah.

Questions for further review:

Where do we explicitly see in the Torah (the Five Books of Moses) that Aaron is a man of peace?
Hillel is the author of our mishna. Name a case from his life where he embodied this teaching on pursuing peace? Can you think of more than one?

3. Tzedakah

Set aside tzedakah in memory and in the merit of your loved one.

Back

Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 3/30/2020

Beth Tfiloh Dahan Community School