Ceremony in Place of Kaddish: 4/01/2020
Over the generations, our Sages have suggested many ways to help commemorate the memory of our loved ones. One central practice is the recitation of Kaddish. However, when one is unable to recite Kaddish, other potent options are also available.
It is traditional to learn Mishna in honor of the soul. This can be seen in the word Mishna משנה which contains the same letters as נשמה, the soul. Prayer is also powerful; and, of course giving tzedakah as well. Therefore, each day we will be offering this ceremony, which incorporates all three, to stand in place of kaddish--until our daily minyan resumes. Of course, you should still daven three times a day, and are encouraged to join our daily Mincha-Maariv call-in, which will incorporate a Kel Maleh/Memorial prayer for the Yahrtzeits of the day as well as a Dvar Torah.
Open the service with a prayer (listed below) and Tehillim. Each day we will provide a different Mishna with brief commentary and guiding questions. Read the Mishna, in either English or Hebrew… or both, and review the commentary. If it so interests you, answer the guiding questions as well. Then, set aside any amount of money for tzedakah in honor of your loved one.
May these important mitzvot provide an עילוי נשמה, an elevation of the soul, for your loved one and help all of Am Yisrael and the world in these difficult times.
Order of the Service
Preliminary Prayer
May my prayer, Torah learning, and tzedakah stand in the merit of _______________ b. ________________ (add the Hebrew name and the Hebrew name of their father).
1. Tehillim (Psalm 51)
לַמְנַצֵּחַ, מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד. בְּבוֹא-אֵלָיו, נָתָן הַנָּבִיא כַּאֲשֶׁר-בָּא, אֶל-בַּת-שָׁבַע. חָנֵּנִי אֱלֹוהִים כְּחַסְדֶּךָ; כְּרֹב רַחֲמֶיךָ, מְחֵה פְשָׁעָי. הֶרֶב כַּבְּסֵנִי מֵעֲוֺנִי; וּמֵחַטָּאתִי טַהֲרֵנִי. כִּי-פְשָׁעַי, אֲנִי אֵדָע; וְחַטָּאתִי נֶגְדִּי תָמִיד. לְךָ לְבַדְּךָ, חָטָאתִי, וְהָרַע בְּעֵינֶיךָ, עָשִׂיתִי: לְמַעַן, תִּצְדַּק בְּדָבְרֶךָ תִּזְכֶּה בְשָׁפְטֶךָ. הֵן-בְּעָווֹן חוֹלָלְתִּי וּבְחֵטְא, יֶחֱמַתְנִי אִמִּי. הֵן-אֱמֶת, חָפַצְתָּ בַטֻּחוֹת; וּבְסָתֻם, חָכְמָה תוֹדִיעֵנִי. תְּחַטְּאֵנִי בְאֵזוֹב וְאֶטְהָר; תְּכַבְּסֵנִי, וּמִשֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין. תַּשְׁמִיעֵנִי, שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה; תָּגֵלְנָה, עֲצָמוֹת דִּכִּיתָ. הַסְתֵּר פָּנֶיךָ, מֵחֲטָאָי; וְכָל-עֲוֺנֹתַי מְחֵה. לֵב טָהוֹר, בְּרָא-לִי אֱלֹוהִים; וְרוּחַ נָכוֹן, חַדֵּשׁ בְּקִרְבִּי. אַל-תַּשְׁלִיכֵנִי מִלְּפָנֶיךָ; וְרוּחַ קָדְשְׁךָ, אַל-תִּקַּח מִמֶּנִּי. הָשִׁיבָה לִּי, שְׂשׂוֹן יִשְׁעֶךָ; וְרוּחַ נְדִיבָה תִסְמְכֵנִי. אֲלַמְּדָה פֹשְׁעִים דְּרָכֶיךָ; וְחַטָּאִים, אֵלֶיךָ יָשׁוּבוּ. הַצִּילֵנִי מִדָּמִים, אֱלֹוהִים אֱלֹוהֵי תְשׁוּעָתִי: תְּרַנֵּן לְשׁוֹנִי, צִדְקָתֶךָ. אֲדֹנָי, שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח; וּפִי, יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶךָ. כִּי, לֹא-תַחְפֹּץ זֶבַח וְאֶתֵּנָה; עוֹלָה, לֹא תִרְצֶה. זִבְחֵי אֱלֹוהִים, רוּחַ נִשְׁבָּרָה: לֵב-נִשְׁבָּר וְנִדְכֶּה אֱלֹוהִים, לֹא תִבְזֶה. הֵיטִיבָה בִרְצוֹנְךָ, אֶת-צִיּוֹן; תִּבְנֶה, חוֹמוֹת יְרוּשָׁלִָם. אָז תַּחְפֹּץ זִבְחֵי-צֶדֶק, עוֹלָה וְכָלִיל; אָז יַעֲלוּ עַל-מִזְבַּחֲךָ פָרִים.
לַמְנַצֵּחַ, מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד. בְּבוֹא-אֵלָיו, נָתָן הַנָּבִיא כַּאֲשֶׁר-בָּא, אֶל-בַּת-שָׁבַע. חָנֵּנִי אֱלֹוהִים כְּחַסְדֶּךָ; כְּרֹב רַחֲמֶיךָ, מְחֵה פְשָׁעָי. הֶרֶב כַּבְּסֵנִי מֵעֲוֺנִי; וּמֵחַטָּאתִי טַהֲרֵנִי. כִּי-פְשָׁעַי, אֲנִי אֵדָע; וְחַטָּאתִי נֶגְדִּי תָמִיד. לְךָ לְבַדְּךָ, חָטָאתִי, וְהָרַע בְּעֵינֶיךָ, עָשִׂיתִי: לְמַעַן, תִּצְדַּק בְּדָבְרֶךָ תִּזְכֶּה בְשָׁפְטֶךָ. הֵן-בְּעָווֹן חוֹלָלְתִּי וּבְחֵטְא, יֶחֱמַתְנִי אִמִּי. הֵן-אֱמֶת, חָפַצְתָּ בַטֻּחוֹת; וּבְסָתֻם, חָכְמָה תוֹדִיעֵנִי. תְּחַטְּאֵנִי בְאֵזוֹב וְאֶטְהָר; תְּכַבְּסֵנִי, וּמִשֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין. תַּשְׁמִיעֵנִי, שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה; תָּגֵלְנָה, עֲצָמוֹת דִּכִּיתָ. הַסְתֵּר פָּנֶיךָ, מֵחֲטָאָי; וְכָל-עֲוֺנֹתַי מְחֵה. לֵב טָהוֹר, בְּרָא-לִי אֱלֹוהִים; וְרוּחַ נָכוֹן, חַדֵּשׁ בְּקִרְבִּי. אַל-תַּשְׁלִיכֵנִי מִלְּפָנֶיךָ; וְרוּחַ קָדְשְׁךָ, אַל-תִּקַּח מִמֶּנִּי. הָשִׁיבָה לִּי, שְׂשׂוֹן יִשְׁעֶךָ; וְרוּחַ נְדִיבָה תִסְמְכֵנִי. אֲלַמְּדָה פֹשְׁעִים דְּרָכֶיךָ; וְחַטָּאִים, אֵלֶיךָ יָשׁוּבוּ. הַצִּילֵנִי מִדָּמִים, אֱלֹוהִים אֱלֹוהֵי תְשׁוּעָתִי: תְּרַנֵּן לְשׁוֹנִי, צִדְקָתֶךָ. אֲדֹנָי, שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח; וּפִי, יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶךָ. כִּי, לֹא-תַחְפֹּץ זֶבַח וְאֶתֵּנָה; עוֹלָה, לֹא תִרְצֶה. זִבְחֵי אֱלֹוהִים, רוּחַ נִשְׁבָּרָה: לֵב-נִשְׁבָּר וְנִדְכֶּה אֱלֹוהִים, לֹא תִבְזֶה. הֵיטִיבָה בִרְצוֹנְךָ, אֶת-צִיּוֹן; תִּבְנֶה, חוֹמוֹת יְרוּשָׁלִָם. אָז תַּחְפֹּץ זִבְחֵי-צֶדֶק, עוֹלָה וְכָלִיל; אָז יַעֲלוּ עַל-מִזְבַּחֲךָ פָרִים.
For the conductor, a song of David. When Nathan the prophet came to him when he went to Bath-sheba. Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your kindness; according to Your great mercies, erase my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly of my iniquity, and purify me of my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You alone have I sinned, and I have done what is evil in Your sight, in order that You be justified in Your conduct, and right in Your judgment. Behold, with iniquity I was formed, and with sin my mother conceived me. Behold, You desired that truth be in the hidden places, and in the concealed part You teach me wisdom. Purify me with a hyssop, and I will become pure; wash me, and I will become whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that You crushed exult. Hide Your countenance from my sins, and erase all my iniquities. Create for me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from before You, and do not take Your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and let a noble spirit support me. I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will return to You. Save me from blood, O God, the God of my salvation; let my tongue sing praises of Your charity. O Lord, You shall open my lips, and my mouth will recite Your praise. For You do not wish a sacrifice, or I should give it; You do not desire a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; O God, You will not despise a broken and crushed heart. With Your will, do good to Zion; build the walls of Jerusalem. Then You will desire sacrifices of righteousness, a burnt offering and a whole offering; then they will offer up bulls on Your altar.
2. Mishna Learning (Chapters of the Fathers 1:14)
2. Mishna Learning (Chapters of the Fathers 1:14)
הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אִם אֵין אֲנִי לִי, מִי לִי. וּכְשֶׁאֲנִי לְעַצְמִי, מָה אֲנִי. וְאִם לֹא עַכְשָׁיו, אֵימָתָי:
Hill used to say: If I am not for myself, who is for me? But if I am for my own self [only], what am I? And if not now, when?
Q: Why must one be both for oneself and for the other? Isn’t the ideal in Judaism to be selfless?
A: On the most basic of levels: if we don’t take care of ourselves and our health, there will be no “self” at all to help others. This is pretty simple.
On a deeper level, many are familiar with the famous verse in Vayikra 19:18: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” From here we learn that love for self—“as yourself”—is a prerequisite for loving one’s neighbor. Why so?
It’s natural to project our feelings toward ourselves onto others. The outside world reflects to us what we don’t like in ourselves and we respond to it based on this. It is therefore crucial to increase in love for self. Then the opposite will be the case: we will overlook other’s shortcomings and project our inner love onto all.
Another way to take this is to bring to mind the kabbalistic statement “one can not give what one does not have” אין נותן מה שאין בו. The more we, ourselves, are filled with light and love, the more we have leftover to give others.
It is for these reasons and more that Hillel said we must give to self—for the sake of giving to others.
One more answer dismisses the premise of the question altogether, relaying Hillel’s endorsement of self-care for its own sake, not just for the sake of helping others. This is based on the belief that our being, both body and soul, are expressions of the divine. Here is a source (Avot de Rebbe Natan (2nd version) 30) that brings forward this idea in the name of Hillel:
“When Hillel would go somewhere, they would ask him: ’Where are you going?’ He would answer, ‘I am on my way to do a mitzvah.’ ‘Which mitzvah, Hillel?’ ‘I am going to the bathroom.’ ‘And is thissurely a mitzvah?’ ‘Yes. In order to upkeep my body.’ ‘Where are you going, Hillel?’ ‘I am on my way to do a mitzvah.’ ‘Which mitzvah, Hillel?’ ‘I am on my way to the bathhouse.’ ‘And it this surely a mitzvah?’ ‘Yes. In order to wash my body.’
‘Know that this is true. Just as is the case with statues erected in the courtyards to kings [=which are replicas of the kings], where those appointed to wipe and scrub them are annually awarded a selira by the king and not this alone but they are also adorned with the grandeur of the kingship—all the more so with us who were created in the tzelem and the demut [of Hashem], as it is written, “In the tzelem of God Adam was created” (Breshit 9, 6)!’“
There is an important lesson to be learned from the statue analogy: even our bodies are expressions of the divine. It is not enough to see the divinity in others, we must view ourselves as divine as well!
One of my rebbes of blessed memory, Rabbi Tzvi Kleimen, once overheard me speaking disparagingly about myself. He immediately interceded and shared that the laws of lashon hara (evil speech) apply not only to others but also to ourselves! He knew what Hillel did: we all carry the divine within us. We must, therefore, honor ourselves and treat ourselves kindly: “If I am not for myself, who is for me?”
Questions for further review:
- Why the urgency in Hillel’s final words: “If not now, when?” Why must we not wait in order to be for ourselves and for others?
- Can you relate all three sayings in this mishna to the times we are in as most of us find ourselves bunkered up in our homes?
3. Tzedakah
Set aside tzedakah in memory and in the merit of your loved one.
Beth Tfiloh Dahan Community School
Roz & Marvin H. Weiner Family Campus
3300 Old Court Road | Baltimore, MD 21208
410-486-1905 | mail@bethtfiloh.com
3300 Old Court Road | Baltimore, MD 21208
410-486-1905 | mail@bethtfiloh.com
Learning together. For life.
Baltimore’s only Jewish independent preparatory school serving PreSchool through Grade 12.
Baltimore’s only Jewish independent preparatory school serving PreSchool through Grade 12.
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